Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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