He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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