My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
