Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
