so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
