wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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