I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
