Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
