apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
