are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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