come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
