oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
