i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
