I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
