so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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