i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
