Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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