I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
