my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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