Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
