I need help removing her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
