I cut my penus on the lid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
