All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
