awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
