i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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