I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
