I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
