you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
