Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize