fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize