the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
