we have pet lesbian snakes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
