shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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