beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i think i just lost a toe
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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