Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
