How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
