just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize