hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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