i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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