he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
