I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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