Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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