In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize