watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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