'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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