next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
