Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
