i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
