Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
