I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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