Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
