There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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