Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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