Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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