Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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