Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
