My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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