Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
