And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
