Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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