I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How's work?
Spinning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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