Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
