I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize