Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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