I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
