i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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