look no pants
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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