I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
