I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
