Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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