If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
