i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
do nipples grow back?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
