I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
only you would photoshop your dick
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
