so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
