Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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