Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
