You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
