You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
