textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
