I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
